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My manager is currently marketing one of myscripts. No sale yet, but we've been getting great feedback. Maybe I'llget that break soon, but even that worries me as I think about theclauses that were put in my contract after she met me. How can I evermeet movie executives and producers as a......not merely a cross-dresser,anymore........as a sissy? There, I can say it. Might not believe it withall my heart, but..........Am I a sissy, or is it something even more? Itseems through all my life I've been taking steps towards a goal I stillcan't see. What is beyond these games? Something more permanent.I think about that. What it would mean to me and those around me, thoseclosest. What they might say if I actually dared to mentiontransitioning. Is that a part of Maggie's game? Would I do it? I havesacred childhood memories that have been rising within me: of wishing Iwas a girl, wondering why I was trapped in a boy's body. I wascircumcised when I was little, and because I was going to be. (If you don’t know this part of the world, it’s well worth a visit!). I had resisted, quite stubbornly, partly because I could think of very few with whom I shared any deep friendship, in fact, I could count them on one hand, and to my regret, I had not been in contact with any of them for at least ten years. The other reason for my reluctance was that I felt that my weekends down west were for my parents. I don’t think I’ve said before, but I’m an only child and seeing Eve lose her mother made me perhaps a bit precious about the time I could find with mine. But I’d not considered moving home as the solution, that was possibly a residual reaction and resentment to my wife abandoning me in London. One evening though – it was just after Easter, in early April, Mum just said it straight out: ‘Look, we’d like to see more of you, you’d like to see more of us, why don’t you just look for a job nearer to us? You always said you’d move out of London someday, and I know you’ll not have kids,.
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