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Could I surrender to theprocess consciously? Here was the core of my submissiveness. PreviouslyI considered my dressing as an emulative activity; to try and be female.There was a great deal of lesbian activities shown on-line and aniligusseemed to be pretty widely enjoyed. But anal penetration requiredspecial preparation. It seemed that many women did enjoy this form ofintercourse, but care and patience were required. The externalappearances were something ten days ago I sought to achieve. Now Irealized I would need to modify my body, more specifically I'd need tocreate a means of allowing someone to enter my body.I shook with this thought. Seeking to understand why I dressed hadturned to a major new sexual activity. I was really late now. I went tothe closet and slipped on the strapped beige 4 1/2" heels carefully andstepped back to the long mirror in the hall. Yesterday I considered myoutfit a bit too much for poor Lynn. She didn't say anything negativebut I felt she was thinking I. And yeah, I hadn't had sex for a week. But whenever I looked at Adrienne, I remembered her getting repeatedly raped and then impregnated by her older brother. I remembered her mother's death in a drunken car crash. I remembered her desperate need to be in control of all her dating relationships and inability to fully trust any guy for her entire adolescence. I remembered how her one family member left, her father, ignored her and left her to fend for herself. And I remembered how that last family member had just been violently taken away.I looked around my life: my loving parents and siblings, my friends, the Evanses, the girls I'd slept with, and my perfect little suburban existence where I wanted for nothing. And I decided that going without sex for a week was hardly something I couldn't handle.Still, on this Monday morning after Adrienne apologized for neglecting me, my morning wood was tenting my shorts. So once she got up and headed into the bathroom to take a shower, I let my.
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