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Bell and I don't know too much about God or about hell, but we feel that if there is a God, He is not about guilt and punishment; He is about hope and compassion. Our own existence proves that. And hell, if there is such a place, its not a fiery pit in the bows of the earth. It's a place deep within us where we store all the pain and guilt that we've created for ourselves. We visit mom every other weekend but she refuses to receive us. When they bring her to the visitors area, she hides in a dark corner and covers her face. We know she can see us because she tracks our every move with her red swollen eyes, but when we hold out our arms to let her know that we welcome her into our embrace, she shivers and turns away. Anna and I wanted to help mom more than anything else in the world, but mom's fate was out of our hands. We were not responsible for her condition nor was it God's will. Too many people see God's will or an attempt to defy His will as a cause for everything they. I nodded and kept quiet…she could understand that i feel very bad and ashamed of my act…she doesn’t want me to take any wrong decision…so finally she made some fun and left me as if nothing happened..From that day i didn’t face my maid…and kept away from her…and i could not look into the eyes of my mother…i kept avoiding her eye contact…she felt a lot for this….And after a couple of days again she called me and spokeMom: “you look very dreadful these days,, it doesn’t suit you”Me: “i’m sorry mom”Mom: “there is no need to be sorry..it happens” she smiledMe: (silence)Mom: “you could not control your urges rite?”Me: (silence)Mom: “i can understand my son” she cheered me up..Mom: ” come tonight to my room at 10.00p.m dad has gone to delhi for some reason..i need to make you more understanding about how to behave infront of society”Me: “ok mom”..I was thinking the whole day about what she is gonna tell me tonight…and the advice she ll be giving that night….It was almost 10.00 and i entered.
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