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It sounds like we’re going to be getting raped all night long in that little trailer. I now understood the look of terror in Cassy’s eyes when we were leaving the house this evening. She’s been through this before. I’m still troubled by the fact that she just had an orgasm. But I’ve got to give her credit for surviving this without losing her mind. I’m not certain I’ll be able to do that.I don’t know whether Ty finished selling us for the entire night or if the customers were just getting impatient. In any case, Cassy and I were finally separated and taken back inside. Cassy was escorted into the tiny box in the back that had once been the bedroom. The built-in bed that had once been there is gone, replaced with a sturdy cot just like the one on which I’m about to begin my new career as a prostitute.One of the two cameramen followed her. The other stood nearby, still recording my reactions for god only knows who to enjoy later.There’s no bedroom door. If there was one it probably. I still couldn't imagine how Iever could have been. But my false memories seemed so entrenched Iclearly couldn't remember anything that had really happened in thepast.It pained me to think I was a bad person. A violent one. Even tellingmyself my mental illness made me so wasn't helpful. Trying to absolvemyself from responsibility by pleading insanity simply didn't wash.If I had hit and kicked and spat, like the behaviour of the peoplearound me implied I did, it just made me hate myself all the more.Perhaps it was a blessing that I couldn't remember any such sinisteracts.If I had a friend at all in the world I was unaware of them, given Icould remember nothing real before my life behind these four walls.Could I interact adequately with the people confined here such as I?Could I form social bonds?I guess the only way to find out was to try.So I joined the other patients in their day to day activities.Smoking was the favorite past time of psychiatric inpatients.Cigarettes were the major.
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