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My dignity, pride and self respect depended on my staying strong. I couldn't let her hurt me again. The less angry I became, the more vulnerable I felt. My love for her had not died, but I could not be with her. After the divorce was final, she gave up and stopped calling.What was she going to say? I love you, it was just sex, honey, I'm a nympho manic, he drugged me and forced himself on me four years in a row ... I didn't want to hear it.She signed the papers and didn't show up at the final hearing. It was just as well. I didn't want or need to see her again. It was impossible to tell if her absence indicated her pain and acceptance that our marriage was over or she just didn't give a damn. I used to think that I understood her. After what I had witnessed, anything was possible.Flash backs of her defeated and sad face the last time I saw her were etched into my brain. Oddly, that image grew more powerful with time, while the picture of her and her lover began to fade. Even thought. Some will scoff at this, but for us, it's imperative that we, as an individual white couple, do something very significant, and lasting---and for my wife to conceive ONLY African-fathered c***dren is, for us, that significant thing!There is another aspect of our relationship that I'm sure puzzles many people, and that is, even though Mara and I are husband and wife, I do not engage in sex with her; or, at least not in the form of sexual intercourse. We are physical engaged in other ways, and we are physically affectionate---we just don't have 'fuck'; that is, we do not have intercourse. That is reserved only for select African men!So, what do I do for sexual release? Simple, really. I masturbate, and I enjoy watching porn (mainly interracial cuckold porn)---and though this may be difficult to fathom for some, this is all I really 'need' to satisfy my sexual needs! It is 'enough'---FOR ME! Though it might not be enough for anyone else; it is for me.So, frequently, after Mara has gone.
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