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I would panic that he had left me if I didn't hear him walking around downstairs, or clinking dishes in the kitchen every once in a while. My dread of abandonment didn't fade, either. Matthew remained grounded that Monday but I had to work. I accomplished nothing. I could only think how unmoored Matthew and I were and how he had all day to pack, to call his lawyer, to leave. Worse than loosing him would be knowing I deserved to.By the afternoon guilt, humiliation, and fear of abandonment turned to anger. Mostly with myself, but also at Matthew for the way he’d treated me. Rough sex or even his course, objectifying words, I could handle. His refusal to talk about us, grated. I left at three, unable to work and unwilling to spend a minute more torturing myself, imagining him packing his bags. My unease only grew as I got closer to home. Pent up breath burst from my lungs when I spotted his old Porsche on our street. I didn’t let my relief deter me, though.“We need to talk,” I said.. It seemed a little stuffy and the girls seemed a bit up-tight."Hey, Jim," I say, "got any leads on a good hookup?" Well," he said, "there are a few nice girls. Do you know Taylor?" Not really. She's the tall girl, right? Brown hair, likes wearing plaid?" That's the one. She's great. We hookup 3-4 times. If I wasn't with Sandy now, I'd totally go for it again. Times like this that i wish i was single." I knew he wanted her bad."Think she's in my league?" I asked."Dude, she totally puts out. And I'm sure you will appreciate that she does backdoor. The first time we met, we were just kissing and she offered anal to me almost immediately." Nice," I said. "Nothing hotter than a girl that likes it in the butt." Yeah," he said, "to tell you the truth I haven't even seen her pussy."Uh-oh. "Um, Jim? Tall, boy name, offers backdoor instantly and you've never even seen the twat? Are you sure it's a she?"He insisted she's a girl and got pretty mad, and left. I sat around hating.
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