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And everybody knows that Puritans don't masturbate; or at least they wouldn't admit it if they did.I've never really had an opportunity to masturbate openly except with one girlfriend who also enjoyed masturbation and had no problem with me doing it. Sometimes we would watch porn together and masturbate if the notion struck.So what's the deal with men? If most of us masturbate, why won't we do it together? We watch football together, we drink beer together, and we go to strip clubs together, but suggest one time to your buddies that you guys sit down and jack off together and all of a sudden you're a queer, a faggot, a homosexual! I maintain that you don't have to be homosexual to enjoy jacking off together; it should just be a "guy thing." Did you notice how easily I transitioned from the clinical term "masturbation" to the warm and fuzzy term "jack off?" I think I'll stick with jack-off.After this deep contemplation, I decided that rather than jacking off in secret, I wanted to. . really, really bad. Worse even than saving Pilsner, or even getting him back on two (mostly) working legs again. I’d have to try, but frankly, the way my head was getting ready to explode on me, that the effort would likely kill me. I didn’t see any other choices though!Not to mention, that nearly every goddamned television and radio station in the city was there behind us, eyes fixed on me, reporting once more on this new colossal disaster. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed, especially after almost no sleep!I think my nose and eyes were all bleeding like rivers and my eardrums were just about ready to pop from the strain of tweaking those damnably impossible odds, when rescue from an extremely unlikely source appeared. Atomic Girl and her daughter, Starlite-Starbrite had returned! Ice Lady had done all that she could, wrapping the weakened creature up temporarily in an immobile sheath of ice, but her powers were now utterly exhausted too and no one had a shred of a.
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